I wish i knew what happened to me. I need a pause button. A stop button, a rewind button, something like that. For the first time in my life i feel like it should end here. Just end. I really don't see the point of having to continue really. Sure, a million other people are gonna just tell me to hang in there, everything's gonna get better, we care. Thing is, do you guys really? I find myself in a situation where i'm cut off from the world. Mum didn't pay the phone bill so i'm stuck with a prepaid plan with a new number and because i decided to be nice i didn't text that number out to everyone on my contact list. So it seems that while the world around me moves on i'm... well... left behind. At least it sure as hell seems like it. And the people who know the number i'm using, well, that's just another story altogether. I just thought these people were the ones who'd matter you know? Guess i was wrong. I can actually count the number of people who have my new number with one hand, that's a first. People are selfish. That's the number one lesson that i was taught, i never chose to believe it, i never subscribed to it. I never had to even though it really hurt. I once said this to someone once, don't let anyone ever decide for you what kind of friend you should be to someone else because thats the kind of friendship that you think they deserve and if you get hurt in the process you learn from it but you don't let that change the quality of the friendship that you give because that's just who you are. Yet here i am faced with the decision to change just that. I knew it was gonna be hard, i just never knew it was gonna be this hard. I hate what's going on now. I hate that i have to go through everything that i've gone through cause its just not fair. I didn't have to go through all that, yet i still chose to. I keep getting slapped in my face for it but i still smile and push on and then some. But the worst is when i get slapped in the face by the one whom you're doing it for. And i still push on and smile. Its to the point where i'm numb. I can't feel, i don't want to feel anymore.
