Monday, September 13, 2010
In the midst of this...
I'm frustrated, can't deny that, i'm caught in all this and i'm not even sure what "this" really is. Off the top of my head once more, there's that girl, there's the struggle to die to myself once more (honestly how many times can i die till i'm considered dead?), then there's the part of me that wonders if i'm really gonna make it to next year, so along with all my fears, my insecurities there comes the resolve, some part of me knows i'm being swayed and though its frustrating yes irritating me to the point its making me clench my fists and start pounding them on a random given surface i will still do what i have to do, because i know i have to. My resolve still stands, no matter how tiring it gets how irritating it feels how much false condemnation i feel how much heat i'm taking i'll still do it. I'll say that prayer once more, stick my head out and go through with it. I'm not expecting anyone who reads this to understand part of me does either, i just know i have to do it, to get there, somewhere, i'm guided, i'm in the darkness but i know i'm not alone. I have the majority with me, God. I will fight.
thought @
10:14 PM;
