Lets see.... stayed home majority of the day... so... bored bored bored bored, nothing to do, don't really feel like studying cause my head is throbbing, still, i miss my sports like mad, everyone is sleeping and i feel like playing the guitar to wake them up, just to see their reaction =) I can hardly wait for the freaking marmalade chalet... cause quite frankly my holidays look pretty packed with... holiday lessons only, exciting no? I think i'll go play frisbee 2mw... hmm.... "If you ever miss me, close your eyes and you'll see me there, but frankly speaking you don't have to, cause no matter what it is, know that i'll always be in your heart as you are in mine. And if i ever need some help getting through the day, its what i do."
thought @ 12:48 AM;
Friday, May 28, 2010
Part 2
So its the last day of school and to be honest i think the last 2 weeks have been the most "awake" days for me, at least i know what i'm doing and where the hell i'm going as compared to just stoning through the day itself and then everything gets meshed into one so yeah. That being said i just came home from the "Taming" play, i gotta say it was somewhat interesting, i'm actually tired as hell but the week has been quite hellish for me so i wanna unwind b4 i start 2mw or go to sleep for that matter. For those of you who don't know, i was barred from the promos on Tuesday, i eventually managed to cut a deal that allowed me to take my exams but speaking from experience standing at that point when they tell you that you've been barred your mind really just goes blank at that instant. Irony was that as i was walking to school that very morning i was just thinking to myself that i should really seriously start mugging, life's like that ain't it? So as i've got a 4 week holiday ahead of me, or 1 month as some would prefer, i think i should spend some part of it studying and of course catching up on some sleep but first i think i need to rewire my mentality because sometimes life just calls for it, you've to change your mindset about alot of things, sometimes to avoid being hurt, to avoid being taken advantage and stuff like that but ultimately it all leads to the situation becoming better so yeah thats what i'll do. One thing i've learnt from the play? Sometimes kindered souls are the ones that share the most passionate "love" and i think this is the only instance where love can choose not to exist but still grow.
thought @ 1:36 AM;
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Hurt
"Everything's so blurry, and everyone's so fake And everybody's empty, and everything is so messed up Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl you could be my someone you could be my scene You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene I wonder what you're doing Imagine where you are There's oceans in between us, and that's not very far
Can you take it all away Can you take it all away When you shoved it in my face, This pain you gave to me Can you take it all away Can you take it all away When you shoved it in my face"
Puddle of Mudd - Blurry
thought @ 9:00 PM;
Friday, May 21, 2010
Who are you
In this whole process of growing up, in the last few years, i've been through a lot. Some self imposed, some i just had to go through, others i had to relearn and some i just had to forget. What i didn't realise was that i forgot one very important thing, to love. I forgot what it was like to care for someone to the point where you'd sacrifice sleep and energy knowing that you're not functioning at 100% physically and mentally to visit her in the early hours of the morning, the feeling of waking up in the morning with a bigger purpose than just simply waking up because you have to, the sky seeming clearer and brighter and my mind more constantly thinking. I lost all of that. Why am i saying all this? Simple. I lost myself because i was more proud of who i was back then than i am now and frankly speaking this guy here i do not like, i do not respect i do not want to continue and yet i found no reason not to. Until you. You brought me back hope i thought was condemned to a place i could never reach, gave me reason i thought i'd never see logic in and in terms of logic yes you did nothing and i could very well be lying to myself but once more i find myself standing at the edge of a cliff waiting to take that leap of faith when normally i'd be in the barren plains miles away from that same exact cliff. So all i'm asking from you now is a chance to let me live, not just as a you and me, but a us.
thought @ 9:22 PM;
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
After so long, it finally happened and now its like this...
thought @ 8:15 PM;
Monday, May 17, 2010
Feel
Simply put, i don't like the way the house has just left my life like that. I am homeless now and there's not a damn thing i can do about it but to shut the hell up and smile at the people who lost it for me and act fazed about it. I'm sorry if i'm not at that "matured" level i'm supposed to be at but maybe try burning everything you own and then you'll understand how i feel. Its not the material, but what it stood for, what i represented. Now i've lost that, thanks alot.
thought @ 10:56 PM;
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Contract.
Past week has been whack, after being late for the millionth time i finally got suspended and experienced what life was like having suspension in MI. Frankly speaking its exactly as i expected it would be, minus the people to talk to part though most your friends drop by to laugh at you, say hey, irritate you, ask you random questions and in Louis' case come to "save me" by attempting to nibble at the table i was sitting. All of that? Appreciated yes, i was bored to bits. Anyways, cause yours truly was suspended indefinitely i had to get my mum/dad down to save my ass so that i could go back to class, my mind immediately went to, can't i save my own sorry ass myself? And believe me i tried, though i think i didn't try hard enough cause mum still came down, long story short i signed some contract and have to come to school early, and by early i mean early like b4 7.45 early and can't skip school something i treasure so so very dearly, in my opinion there are several things more important than school and thing is, while i enjoy studying at my own pace, the system should sometimes be thrown out the window. So here i am on a rainy Sunday afternoon trying to piece my thoughts together getting back into the fast paced momentum of this thing and trying to find some joy in becoming a "slave" to this uniformity with society, in case you're wondering, yes i am whining and yes i'm gonna do it, cause mama's in the hospital, last thing i'd want is for her to worry anymore than she already is.
