Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Reflected
Its funny, i managed to get advanced into year 2 but the feelings of joy that i'm supposed to be feeling aren't really there, so in that sense i know how Derek and the rest of 08A3 felt when they saw me get CTE-ed and say goodbye to them. Gotta say, its harder than it seems. Turns out that you can't exactly tell anyone to leave because its for the best of them and not feel as though a part of you is dying inside. Last week's sermon was right, we WERE made for relationships and we WERE made to make them last. Saying goodbye to someone is like saying goodbye to a part of yourself, its never easy and it always hurts. As i walked around the school seeing the tear stained faces, the disappointment, the pleading and the occasional smiles of relief, i couldn't help but wonder where the hell was i last year when this happened and remembered i was somewhere having Derek and Faisal trying to tell me what exactly i should've done and should be doing and i kinda do thank them for that cause sincerely at that time i was thinking poly haha... if i had made that choice i have no idea where i'd be 2day. As for you guys out there, i just hope that everyone's ok, you know how to get me =) one call away.
thought @
10:57 PM;
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Reason
Something happened to me 2day and it kinda made me wonder why on earth do i just keep doing what i do, smiling like an idiot all the time (yes i know sometimes it makes me look like one) and just generally making sure everyone around me is right up there with me (smiling alone can get lonely sometimes). So if you're smart you'll know 2 things, 1, the "something" that happened to me 2day isn't a good thing and that its affecting me on some level, 2, you know why i keep doing what i do cause quite simply put i dun really know. The BBQ at mama hse to celebrate Jie and Auntie Sally's b-day was good though and i've yet to upload the photos on fb so i shall do that 2mw cause i'm quite bummed out to do all that now. In any case, Dave, you're right, we can't not smile cause we're too damned busy giving them out and we gon keep doing that till the day we breathe our last and hell it ain't gonna be a surprise if we left with a smile =)
"I was right, i could have the worst week of my life and it multiplies and magnifies itself to the point it crushes me but then i see you and everything else ceases to matter life has new meaning there's hustle and flow and my heart beats once more and thats just when i see you."
thought @
2:27 AM;
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Bon Voyage
Ain't gonna lie, its sad that Beki left, on a brighter note, she left MI to continue studying in Australia, somewhere everyone around me seems to be disappearing to. Why? Don't ask me i'm not really sure. Made me realise something as i stood there looking at the tear stained faces. Friends really are important to us. True, family is as well but given the amount of time we spend with our friends. I highly doubt that its because we spend a lot of time with our family thats why we've to compensate our friends, but its more of them being able to relate to us on a deeper level. Whatever we go through chances are they've either gone through it as well or they're going through it with you. One of my friend pointed this out, "Ever wondered how weird it would be if you saw this girl and told your mum how hot you thought she was?" The idea and that thought was funny, hell, still kinda is now and maybe some of you are thinking if i did that, i assure you no, but he did make sense, we can't do that with our family, we can only do that with our friends, maybe its also one of the reasons why we go to them for fun stuff, like they give us a life. True to a certain extent, but family was really the one that gave you life in the first place. Point being? Don't lead your life as friends in one and family in another. I found that i've been lucky enough to find friends that allowed me to combine the both together, it wasn't easy at first, you can't please everyone but in time somehow everything just falls into place. Because sometimes the line between family and friends becomes marred and faded so that it all becomes a huge group of just Family, sub-consciously we treat our closest friends as family members as well. Which is just as well, given the way the world is turning out. If we could all continue to do so, then maybe everyone would be happier. Kinda makes you think that we're all part of some huge connection no?
thought @
2:32 AM;
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Keep Holding On
Its the exam week this week and math paper is 2mw, which kinda explains why i'm here. I was thinking really hard what to post up here and then i realized i should post something in relevance to my life right now, or at least heard. I do remember posting something abt loving the people around you, not just your frens but the people you don't know as well cause well lets face it, we could all use more frens. Then i said the same exact thing to one of my frens and he told me this, "Difficult sia..." So very true, especially if they know the extent of your love for them leading to expectations in whichever relationship you share with them leading to either of the extremes, euphoria or disappointment. Its easy to continue with the euphoria, who doesn't like to feel happy? Its really difficult to continue with the disappointments i totally agree but if we eventually did and in fact because of that disappointment use that as a chance to love them even more, wouldn't that be better? Is it really so hard to swallow one's pride to sit down and have a chat with their loved one and apologise should there be a dire need to? Is sorry really that difficult to say? Guys and girls, please never lose the opportunity to talk to that special someone, even if you have more than one special someone, they could be your frens, family, your spouse, your crush, whoever. Life's seriously way too short to spend being alone without them in your life to brighten it up and for you to spread joy into theirs as well. Don't be selfish.
thought @
9:14 PM;
