Sunday, November 30, 2008
Brighter than the sun's rays
Chasing the darkness and sadness away
Giving me hope for another day
Would you believe me?
At the last moment before i left
Standing at the door with no regrets
You crept into my head, i second guess
Would you believe me?
Each time i say goodbye to my friends
Thinking of the fun times we had
Then remembering you above all
Would you believe me?
Lying on my bed at night
The whole world asleep
Wishing i could see you tonight
Knowing it can be nothing more than a dream...
thought @
4:32 PM;
Yesterday i saw something that made me happy and sad at the same time, it was one of those family moments that i rarely get to see cause one, it didn't happen in my home, i swear my home kinda has a shield for these kinda things and two, it happened with two people i haven't seen in a superbly long time namely Mama and Jie. Long story short, Jie's gonna get married in August and obviously wants Mama to go, but one thing Mama said really struck me hard was that she said "I don't go nevermind, your mummy must go." I thought back and i found it hard to believe that Mama actually said that cause she was there from the very start, the very least she would've wanted was to be there then it hit me that she couldn't see what was going on even though she could be there. So it was kinda pointless, and she even had to be fed. A huge blow to her already diminished ego and the tiny remains of whatever pride she had left that her illness had caused her to lose. Jie kept fighting though, wanting Mama to attend, i hope she does. I really do.
Plus plus, there's someone out there who's situation is gonna be somewhat similar to mine. Its real crazy actually and i'm kinda disappointed cause its not really good news, kinda like one of those contradictory things. I hope his/her future will be totally fine and that he/she will never find out how or why and stuff like that but i hope they'll love him more than he/she should be loved. No one should have to find out the same way i did, even if it was a "joyous" mood.
thought @
2:51 PM;
Saturday, November 29, 2008
"You are stuck in my heart, like counting a million stars, whatever the reason you are..."
Yea, wish you somehow knew.
thought @
2:32 AM;
Answer
Reflected in her face, God's grace
He called out to her and she came
Floating down on clouds of silk
Her touch resurrected flowers wilt
A desperate plea he cannot stand
Longing so to hold her hand
Crying out once more on the shores
Out to the sea she's missing once more
Her shining knight in love's armor
Came to her once in her darkest hour
Up to the turrets of the loneliest tower
Showing her true love's power
Alas it was all a dream or so it seemed
Her knight no more than a figment of love's being
The lonely towers she spends her days
Her heart chained hard to the cold metal gates
As cruel fate may have she sadly seeks
The knight who appears gallantly in her dreams
Her one true love she someday would meet
Tapestry of their lives together they'd weave
If only she knew of the knight in disguise
Then maybe she wouldn't feel so cold
Cause he sees the little hope glimmer in her eyes
Making him wanna hold her till the days turn old
~Moo
thought @
2:26 AM;
Friday, November 28, 2008
I was freaking tired but for some reason i couldn't sleep, thus i'm slamming keys making out words hoping they make some sense so that at some point it'll lull me to sleep; maybe. 2day was whacked, really whacked, nxt week should be more so, cause its the week before i head to Genting think i'll do some Christmas shopping there, i need some thing to clear my system like... i dunno maybe a nice talk with a human not some stupid machine that i'm using to write these things, i believe humans were meant to interact with each other not talk to machines leavin you to wonder the identity of the person at the other end, the pros and cons of technology i guess.
"Frick frick frick fricking fricking frick frick"
thought @
2:10 AM;
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I've decided that i don't really wanna work during these holidays, call me a slacker for all i care cause thats exactly what i wanna do, SLACK. Till December then i'll decide again luh. I had time to reflect last night on the bus home. I've been reflecting a whole lot lately, made me realise more about myself and the direction life was gonna take me given all the right and wrong choices i've made throughout my life and how they've made me. Like how old habits die so damn hard, like cockroaches you wanna squash but they're never really around when you buy a new can of insecticide and wanna test it out? The people that i tried so hard to model myself after, like when i was young i got suckered into thinking that a son's role model should be his own father, so i thank God and my mum for leaving me with Mama instead (don't really wanna elaborate here) and that sometimes when you try too hard you end up becoming what you don't wanna become. There's actually a whole lot more that i learnt but that would mean another damn long post so i don't wanna bore whoever made the painstaking effort to come and read my blog, i shall say hello instead =) HI!
thought @
2:17 PM;
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Genting in 2 weeks time, can't wait can't wait can't wait cause its superbly boring having to stay home day after day... Gonna die of boredom soon and i swear the boredom gets to you man. Its like some sort of parasite that grows on you and hopefully it doesn't spread cause i wouldn't want any one of my friends to get it... I'll start planning cousin outings now, DIE BOREDOM DIE!! yes i'm extremely bored.
thought @
12:26 AM;
Monday, November 24, 2008
After Friday night's drinking session and a whole night of thinking on Saturday, i've decided, this whole situation isn't gonna get me down, i know i've already somewhat been dragged down while the rest are still blissfully unaware i guess this is just one of those times where i find myself alone again, my burden to bear. Totally sucks but i mean hey, its the holidays and no one should be feeling what i have to feel, i'll force a smile if i have to and move on. Part of me still refuses to believe what i hear and i guess maybe thats my weakness, while i'm feeling so damn lost and confused hoping and waiting for something or someone to drop me a rope you throw me an anchor but thats fine. I know i'm somewhat stronger than this, you ain't gon bring me down like that, i refuse.
thought @
12:24 AM;
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Its weird at the times when you realise things, and its another when you're put in a situation when you can let go, but you can't, ever had that? I kinda knew abt this but then at some point i can't help but blame myself for everything that's happened, i tried lying to myself and all sorts of ways to make myself feel that lil bit better, to somehow somewhat fit myself into this puzzle that contained all the wrong pieces but were forced to stick together and now this puzzle is falling apart, maybe because i tried to fit that one wrong piece in. The piece that belonged to me. Yea its hard. Its hard to fit in there cause maybe i just don't belong anyway, and i think and i thank you so damn much for killing that small lil piece of hope i had for something to happen so that things would be somewhat better for us but i guess not. I now know i don't belong. heh... i'm just sorry that i had to know now and only now and i'm sorry i'm even in your life.
thought @
3:24 PM;
Friday, November 21, 2008
If there was someone out there who could just see what's really going on, that'll be just great.
thought @
9:27 AM;
thought @
6:58 AM;
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I skipped sleeping last night so i slept throughout 2day, only waking up at 6 so i don't really have much to blog abt my day. Cept for the double/triple/quadruple burger trend that has both Mac and BK "competing" For the customers i guess.
My thought for the day, sometimes, maybe, just maybe, sometimes people aren't supposed to be there. That maybe they're supposed to be elsewhere and stop wondering whether or not this is where they were meant to be. So for this, maybe...
thought @
2:44 AM;
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Believe it or not, i just woke up. So that makes it 12 hours of sleep. I SO totally rock =) *pat myself on the back*
thought @
5:03 PM;
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Peanut went for his vaccine shot 2day, poor guy became feverish after that, kept whining whenever someone tried to carry him cause the jab went into his left(?) right(?) furry buttcheek so yea. He slept throughout the entire afternoon so that got the whole lot of us worried cause he's usually tearing at top speed around the house and chomping on every ankle or toe he can reach and then crashing right into Socks when he sees him just standing there and then chasing him until he gets pawed over or Socks takes to higher ground. But he's ai'te now, Mum's just having difficulties feeding him now, he keeps biting the box she's feeding him with and jumping all over the place, the more she shouts the more he jumps, rapidly too haha =) oh well, just glad to see he's better
I miss waking up at 8 everyday (5 out of the 7), rushing having to leave the house by 9 (its considered early so i stone ALOT) then reaching Orchard around 9.30 and then buying a cuppa b4 i walk through those really really cool auto swing doors that give you the sense that you're kinda being sucked in, the mild rush to start things up around the place, the desks, the computers, the newspapers, going to the toilet to check if the name tag is straight and saying hi to almost everyone on the way then coming back to the counter to sit and serve. I miss that. Even if it meant not really eating for the rest of the day till the appointed hours' lunch/dinner break rushing to Far East though the smell of sticky heavy grease almost kills us all and rushing back smelling like grease but somehow start smelling human again after that. Lookin at the sombre faces of the people on the way home, some smiling some just taking everything in and some sleeping cause its late. Those thoughts, knowing that i'd probably have to repeat this the next day and totally loving every single minute of it. Sleeping at 2 - 3 and somehow miraculously waking up at 8 again the nxt day, "awake" and aware of whats going on. Yea i miss that.
thought @
9:47 PM;
Both ways i'd feel the same, i don't even know why... this is so damn crazy, haven't i learnt anything from the past? Part of me wants it but the other is scared. Yea. Tell me something i wanna know, that maybe some part of me that wants to hear it, then maybe the sun will shine brighter for the days. I must be nuts...
thought @
1:00 PM;
Thursday, November 13, 2008
This post is dedicated to my younger sister Emily.
Happy belated to my lil sis Emily, like finally you're 12 so please be more responsible and less blur. I know sarcasm is a way of life in this household (somewhat) but please please please PLEASE sarcasm is not the way around life. Your PSLE is over and its all good its all cool, i hope you get into a good secondary school yea, Shaun's would be good =) haha. I know i ain't been the best brother to you but know this, you're getting older every year and its just hard, even for an elder brother to believe that you can even go anywhere on your own. Yes, Mummy still makes you drag Auntie everywhere you go but thats kinda different. I think i'm on the same wavelength with Shaun and Darnell when i say that you're our lil sister and always will be, you can't really just expect us to let go and not care about what you do the way you want to and yea we really suck at showing it and i know somewhere deep down you're still struggling to keep up with the things we can do and you can't, if anything, i apologise to you to for not including you in all those games we played where it was just solely guys (i've seen you play, you're better than most guys out there haha) but all that aside, know this ai'te I love you, we as your brothers love you and we always will, no matter what ok =) hope you have a great year being 12 =)
Your Brother,
Kenneth Moo
thought @
11:31 PM;
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Waking up to a request to go somewhere to watch Toy Story is definitely a new experience for me weird but ok and yea its a good movie, i missed it haha its like the 1st movie i watched in the cinema as a kid =) Overall the day was pretty slack haha ate a Mega McSpicy, its actually a McSpicy Double but i dunno whats the hype abt anyways oh well i bought it in the end, another sucker for ads? But it served as a breakfast lunch and dinner so its all cool =) then Jie came over to play with Peanut and he's been superbly hyper ever since good luck getting him to sleep tonight man. Hopefully the days will pass fast cause i don't know how long this'll last.
thought @
8:22 PM;
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Bored at home, trying to kill time but its one of those things that don't die so easily, Mum and Dad left the house to me and Darnell so while he's watching Camp Rock, i'm stoning in front of the com... i'm gonna wait till night falls so i can go to the pasar malam and buy some food, i miss pasar malam food luh. All i gotta do now is ask Mum to be my sponsor cause if i sponsor myself it just won't be enough, probably convince her to have dinner with food from the pasar malam as well. Its a freaking hot day... why can't it rain like last night? I'm freaking bored....
thought @
4:24 PM;
Saturday, November 8, 2008
It's 2 sumtink in the morning and as tired as i am, i can't get to sleep. Dinner was really... hmmm... not really dinner luh more of midnight snack, walked over dinner and found that i couldn't eat, something is really wrong with me... After what happened just now its easy for anyone to be racist so i won't say what happened but i'll just say it was enough to anger anyone throughly *breathes in deeply* thinking back i'm still pissed... *exhales* better. =) 2mw is... wait no, when i wake up is gonna be a new day so i'ma keep looking and i'm not gonna give up unless its really a hopeless gone case luh but then there's always Faith. I keep saying it but yea its hard to follow especially when everything around you seems so bleak and you feel so alone its hard to keep the faith. But one thing i've learnt is that never lose sight of what dream or goal you have cause in a way it faith in yourself.
I know that i've got a couple of friends out there who are facing some tough times and all that, i've got a remedy for you guys, its pretty simple, its called drop me a call or sms =) 24/7 365 cause you guys are my frens you've got that right to call, even at 3am in the morning just give me 10 15 secs for my brain to function b4 talking =) haha
For some reason i can't explain you light up my world just like fire does to methane
thought @
2:10 AM;
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Gym got cancelled so i'm here to blog another post or add another post, whatever the blog lingo is. Been miserably trying to come up with a good poem or maybe even a song which is somewhat of a i can try but die kinda thing for me cause i can sing fairly well (at least the glasses don't shatter) but i can't compose a song to save my life or for peanuts for that matter but i'll try and leave it here since my poetry blog is pretty much dying out... hmmm go visit leh... haha and leave a tag pls =) Inspiration comes when you least expect it and yea i got some to finish one "verse" totally unexpected too, oh well. Here's to hoping i can finish it up, soon. haha please get me a job in Scotts Walk it just means that you guys get another quality worker =)
i can't believe i just said that.... oh well, school's school and work is work =)
No i didn't forget the date, how could i. You probably won't even see this after everything and yea i know i got alot of explaining to do but for what its worth, here's an advanced happy birthday and i wish you all the luck in the world. God bless.
thought @
10:25 PM;
One disadvantage of the holidays is that you can't update much cause no matter how much fun a day you have, its not really THAT much fun(?) wait where am i going with this post? hmmm... ok stayin at home durin the holidays = BAD and then you start missing your frens, 08A3 PAE & JAE i freaking miss you guys, BPC are we having any outing? ANY? Pls December come quickly... GST counter ask for temp staff pls =)
thought @
4:16 PM;
thought @
2:18 AM;
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
There's something there, can't quite put my finger on it. Its... abstract but then again i could be thinking too much. Didn't go out 2day, which gave me some time to think about stuff, a year is almost over and looking back, a year is plenty time for a whole lot to happen. I understand this is a lil too early to be looking back on the year but i guess its just one of those times when you look back and think maybe things would've turned out differently 'if' one of the most widely used words in our life. Simply put, there are people in my life that i miss but for some reason i can't talk to them anymore. haha its irony that i can go for any interview unprepared and be confident but when it comes to talking to people whom i'm placed in with circumstances the words don't come at all. irony no? if i could say one thing that would be that you are missed and the way things turned out, maybe it was my decison but i had no idea it would be like this, i'm still here, i just don't know if you are.
thought @
10:04 PM;
If there were no stars in the sky, its your fault, cause they're all found in your eyes.
thought @
2:56 AM;
Good news is that Mama got discharged from hospital 2day, the not so good news is that me and James made a wasted trip there today... but nonetheless, its good to hear that she's out. So immediately after that i called DFS to arrange some plans for a job. Then rushed back to Yishun for gym with Jem, Dickson and James. I think at some point i'd be so tired i'd just fall asleep while standing up. So i'm waiting for DFS to call me back, then i have to go see a doc 2mw just to be sure and i think till then i'm pretty much stoned for the holidays =) one other thing abt the holidays is that you don't get to blog much cause nothing much happens... i freaking wanna go back sailing man... i need to swim too, while the sun is still out not when it sets.
thought @
12:09 AM;
Monday, November 3, 2008
Seoul Garden outing was 2day =) ate a whole hell lot but didn't get full... i still don't know why, then after that walked around Orchard. Went back to DFS to ask about the vacancies there, its unbelievable how much i miss that place... i think the period of time i was working there was the only time where i woke up at 8 on the dot, no later or earlier plus, i slept better too. I saw Alexis, Wang Zhen, Shang Ah, Ling and Shimah working there 2day i miss them all so much plus all the other part timers who worked the same period i did, i wonder how they're doing... hmmm... went to the Esplanade after that and wanted to go to the gym but Mum told me Jie was coming over so i had to go home instead... So sorry Jem i'll come the nxt time. Then Jie came over to play with Peanut and Auntie Ann was here too, i think it's been ages since i last saw the both of them. Jie still as ditzy as ever luh, and as usual, sick haha. I realised for the 1st time in so long when i came home 2day, it was like i was the only child, the hse was super quiet apart from Jie calling out to Peanut every 5 secs, it was like peaceful =) then Emily came home and then Shaun then i was shot back into reality, oh well Darnell's in OBS, where i was supposed to go but thats another story =)
thought @
11:17 PM;
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Pose a problem and a threat, which one is more important?
thought @
4:48 PM;
Perception is how you view it. My perception is waaaaay different from what others think i guess, well.... more of different from what typical S'poreans think. Try finishing up their education the fastest way then find a job and then work until retire and then die. Morbid but thats the general idea i get from most ppl i talk to... sad no? If that was really the case then i don't think i wanna send my kids to nursery or maybe even kindergarden... it'll be a total waste of time, wasting their childhood away. What happened to dreams of becoming something and not giving them up even when it seems like it can no longer come true? What happened to hope and faith? Not exactly in the spiritual sense but in the YOUrself sense? You know all those feel good movies? Those that you watch and at the end you feel touched? The reason why we feel that way is cause deep down there's that sense of regret in us, some part of us that tells us that we can never be like that. My piece of advice i can give 2day is tell that lil part of you to shut the hell up and continue believing in yourself and your dreams. If you believe that strongly in it there really isn't a reason why you can't do it, i mean, another human being has already done it right? And if they haven't, you came up with that idea right? Who better to see it through than you? I don't know about the rest but i ain't gonna die regretting not doing this or that.
thought @
3:20 AM;
