Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Mum said she'd be home depending on the results of the dialysis, its coming 1 and i don't see her home. I'm actually kinda prepared to hear or maybe even see the worst, everyone in the house just seems to be cool about it, in fact they're sleeping. It amazes me... but i still don't know what to expect for some reason... once again that feeling of being lost and so damn desolate from the rest of the world, and i see it pass me by every single day and at times it reaches out but there's always something holding me back. I wanna embrace a new life, a new beginning. I'm literally sick of this. I hate the stupid pineapples i've been forced to eat cause they're the damn reason i'm in this state. As i sit here part of me wants to rush over to the hospital cause i wanna say goodbye should anything happen, at least let me say goodbye to her. You know how important she is to me, the only one who cared. REALLY cared and not cause she was obliged to. I can't say that she can't go, its all His will, if He'd embrace her then all the better, all i'm asking for is for that chance to say thank you for being such a great grandmother wish her goodbye and tell her that i love her for everything that she is. Can i at least get that?
thought @
12:44 AM;
