Thursday, October 30, 2008
I hate the holidays for the one sole reason that i get hungry easily, no cash + hungry from waking moment to sleeping moment = superbly difficult day... well there IS food at home but lets just say i eat selectively =) AND there's the status results 2mw, wonder how that would turn out... hmmm... Maybe i should bring Peanut and if i can't make it through then use him to like psycho whoever it is to let me retain with Peanut's cuteness =) talk about manipulation of assets LOL oh well, i guess whatever comes, comes. Yea, let nature take it's course. So nature, whatever you have for me, i'm ready for it.
thought @
10:13 PM;
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Its the holidays?!?! Fast sia... looking back its like it was only yesterday that i was having PAE, meeting people like Kelvin, Kim, Zul, Izza and Hajar (BPC) all the damn good memories, then to JAE meeting 08A3 - JAE. To all the rocking good times we had as a class and i look back now a year has passed. Fast isn't really the word though, try FREAKING fast. Time don't stop, this is gonna be somewhat an emo post cause as i walked around school 2day, it could damn well be the very last time i walk those corridors seeing people i know, givin em' high fives or shaking their hand. Haha, at some point its irony... Miss Mada asked me what my decision would be, after giving my answer and if she was there i think Mum would say, "Never change... still like that..." Well... i am who the hell i am =) proud of that. If there should be any regret... well... no, there's none. This year ain't been fantastic, i'm still not a millionaire but whatever happened was probably for the best. Cause for the simple reason that the earth is still spinning i'm still breathing and there are still smiling people =)
thought @
11:32 PM;
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It would be the last day of school 2mw so that means the last day that 08A3 will be together as one class, whether i manage to retain or not, that somehow seems irrelevant at this point of time. I'm happy with the friends i made, lost some gained some but like i told Kang Wei 2day, if you're gonna leave then leave, if you're gonna stay then stay but whatever it is don't ever feel any regrets. No, i don't regret not studying. Cause if i did then i wouldn't have learnt to mellow out on life a lil bit. I'd be superbly uptight and probably coming to school with a zombified face 24/7 365. To the friends that i've made, not naming anyone cause you're all important as well, remember when we came into MI and they gave us the orientation shirt? It said MI family, well, you guys are and always will be part of my family. I know i sound like i've already left, but truth is, after 2day, i'm not even sure myself haha. Dragging myself to school 2day was somewhat of a mistake, but i still feel at some point its worth it. Yes i left Bukit Batok superbly pissed cause i was lied to but hey, we all get that once in a while. I could type a whole novel here but long story short, if it wasn't for the people in MI, i wouldn't be the person that i am 2day. Its true you ain't gonna find friends like those you find in MI, for a fact, they gon be there for you the rest of your life. So even if i'm forced to leave, i'll do it happily, like i said,"i came to MI to make friends."
thought @
6:06 PM;
Monday, October 27, 2008
Peanut/Ben is superbly cute luh, while trying to rush out the MOB project he kept running in and out of my room playing with Socks believe it or not, Socks is scared of him, so are the other cats. Imagine opening your room door then you see a mass of black fur running past you then a small bundle of white fur "running" (cause its more of a half run) behind. haha then had to do some last minute changes to my appeal letter then got it printed and now waiting for the MOB project to be done. So much for Deepavali huh? In which reminds me, Happy Birthday Mike =) and Happy Deepavali to all my Indian frens =)
For once i'm actually sick of sitting in front of the com(!) lol but its kinda a sacrifice i guess... i switched my visit to the hospital for the MOB project, though it kinda did take the whole day though... LOL i just hope she's ok man... plus i hope no one told her my marks yet hehe.... maybe when she's better(?) Mum said she's fine and should be out in a couple days, so there's nothing i should be worried abt right?
So i got my result slip signed, appeal printed out, MOB project done and retain form filled up and signed is that all?
Off to go play with Peanut/Ben =) then carry Socks back into the room haha i feel like some kind of farmer man... LOL farmer Moo LOL!!!
thought @
10:58 PM;
This is Peanut, 1 and a half month old and has bad breath that smells like coffee... cute no? =)
thought @
1:04 PM;
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I'm still considering if i should retain or not, the easy thing to say would be ok luh retain or go poly then see how, but i ain't gonna see how, i remember what i went through to get to MI and though it wasn't the school of my choice, the people there made it the place of my choice, i sure as hell ain't gonna go to poly or some other place i won't find friends like those i've made in MI, 08A3 you guys still kick ass, all year round, 24/7 no questions asked you guys rock and if its gonna combine i hope 08A3 lives on. I know if i retain its gonna get a whole lot more difficult so bring it. Really, its not for anyone but myself, if i've to drag my sorry ass around just to get things done and proper so be it.
On a lighter note, the puppy has arrived =) its FREAKING CUTE!!! I'm thinking of naming it Snowflake and he's still jumping around Mum's bed and probably biting and chewing on the pillows and blankets oh and he listens too =) freaking awesome haha
thought @
2:28 AM;
Friday, October 24, 2008
CTE in other words counselled to exit, lol yea i'm still laughing and nope i don't think i'll stop luh, waaaay better than crying abt it anyways. I'm actually surprised i got an S for Lit despite all the shit that happened... SO yeap, gonna appeal to retain in MI, yes though i did say i wanted to leave so damn badly. So Tuesday's the final date to hand in the appeal and it has to be in by 10am, this i cannot afford to screw up, sides its something simple so(?) then there's the thing's i've to consider and all.... I know i can do it just that i don't know how to convince the rest that i can, my folks just told me up to you. Assuring no? Given the situation i'm in, i'm still concerned for those who cried, who looked superbly emo and for my friends taking their 'O's this year, i guess i kinda pissed a few people off when i laughed and smile while i was saying that i was asked to leave. But would it have been better for you guys if i was crying? Bet you guys would've felt way worse and no i don't feel that i should feel sorry. Like Dad said, "retaining like your thing huh?" ok lor... Now i just hope i'd be able to retain, sound familiar? haha...
Please don't feel too bad if anything then yea, i've only got myself to blame and i'd accept whatever it is that i get after appealing, if i still can't stay then i guess i gotta go right? But thank you, thank you for you. Thats who my smiles are for
thought @
10:57 PM;
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The future is uncertain, sure. 2mw is not set, true. I still have to go to school 2mw, ok.... School is.... bleh... i'd rather have lessons. As much as i need to talk to people, i think i need to be away from people, cause i'm sick of seeing the "evil" side of them and going against it for reasons that i don't understand myself, why? cause its not my problem but theirs and i don't feel anything but "happiness" is that a good or bad thing? ANYWAYS, the results are 2mw the status results i don't know what i'll get but all i know is that i gotta act accordingly to the results, so yeap. I'm gonna take the puppy on Saturday =) i always wanted a puppy =) so that brings the total number of pets in my household to.... 4 cats, 2 hamsters, 1 MISERABLE fish (grouper, yes the one you eat) and puppy(!) =)i still have no idea what to name the puppy....
Why do you still cross my mind after everything?
thought @
11:22 PM;
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
OCS was kinda cool, truth be told i knew nuts abt NS so yea i know a lil more now luh, gives me an idea of wat Narin is gonna face on Friday, so that i can rub it in his face whenever i want to (bastard sia! LOL) Exhibitions were cool, the demonstrations were awesome and that was just the highlight of the trip luh. I sound like this cause i've never been to OCS b4, freaking deprived, yes i know. So there's "no school" 2mw and then the results on Friday... i wonder what my mood would be then. All of a sudden i just blanked out on the way to Westmall 2day, no freaking idea why neither... figured the best thing to do was get my ass home asap, wrong move cause i got attitude when i got home so i don't really know.... hmmm...
Something's missing just that i don't know what it is, i don't wanna look for it cause i don't see the point and neither do i know what to look for. All this. I take and throw it to the back, its abt all i can do anyways.
thought @
9:49 PM;
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
WEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL... Lets just say i didn't do fantastic neither did i do good, or bad in this case, lets just put it as "depressing" ok(?) I'm still gettin a kick out of seeing people's reactions when i tell them my results and i think the thoughts running through their minds are, "Does this fu...dude, even care abt his results or future? He like damn lax leh..." Well, i'm here to answer that question now, the reason being damn simple, DEPRESSED FOR WHAT?!?!?! Fine, i may get a hell lot of naggin and my parents are probably never gonna let me live this down, SO WHAT? =) Yes i'm still smiling, no i'm no where near breaking down, yes i'll continue to be this way even on Friday(i think) cause what else is there to do? =) I'll console, i'll feel for you but i will never regret wat i did and never will try to console myself cause there's nothing to console me for =) i do however pity the people who studied real hard for the papers but got really depressing marks too =( hope you guys are feeling better ai'te =) and then there was Swensens =) should've eaten the ice cream lol. SO... Sentosa on Thursday anyone?
P.S: Retain or promote, most probably being the former, so be it. Both ways, i'll make the best of my situation and move on. Hell i can work damn hard for it and still feel this way. I can say i did, but then again, who's gonna believe me? (now that. THATS sad. haha...)
thought @
7:59 PM;
Monday, October 20, 2008
5 mins ago, when the track on iTunes finished playing i heard this muffled growling noise coming from somewhere in my room, i looked around and couldn't see anything so i decided to go check, turns out its Twinkle and Socks SNORING LOL cute bunch of cats i have man, i wake up they go to sleep lol
thought @
11:11 AM;
Sunday, October 19, 2008
200th Post
This would be my 200th post, why am i stating its my 200th? cause i went past my 100th and didn't even know. Thats a whole lot of many many posts lol, thank you to whoever has been reading my blog no matter how damn boring it is =)
New Balance Real Run (got fake run meh?)
I SAW ZUL THERE!!! He was replacing someone who couldn't make it haha but still quite cool haha and then i saw Millennians there too, i totally forgot there'd be some Millennians there apart from SPC members i mean, not a morning person plus i was superbly sleepy... Thank God for Dad who drove me there, so he and Mum are soundly asleep now after "lunch" (if you consider 1 rice packet shared with 3 ppl lunch) After all that i can say i'm proud of M.I, SPC, ZUL(!), the lil kid that was running the 10km run (o.O) and of course all the other runners cause i sure as hell can't run that much on a SUNDAY MORNING somemore.
If my results suck then i'd retain, no point leaving in any case, unless i'm asked to leave luh then that'll be different i guess, but i don't think i wanna leave, even after all that i've said, i don't wanna leave M.I
thought @
2:36 PM;
Friday, October 17, 2008
At some point i wonder to myself, whats going on in there? Then i stay silent and all the noise comes rushing in and i don't have space to squeeze anymore thoughts in there, which is just as fine.
thought @
11:52 PM;
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hustle, Loyalty, Respect.
Faith, Trust, Believe.
Simple to say, hard to do and harder to live by. But that's all i have to say.
thought @
10:37 PM;
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Narin made me drag out all the old school stuff i did, so that meant all the wrestling cards that were collecting dust in... well... i don't even know what its called, but yea, i didn't throw them out cause they were like memories, hundreds and possibly thousands of memories i think... in any case, a new deck was created, tested and found workable =) yes i gain happiness in the easiest forms now haha. Can't believe that it was just 4 years ago that we played these cards that used to hold so much value in my life before and then now its just another piece of shiny paper that's nice to look at, but holding fond memories that'll never be forgotten, no matter how juvenile =)
School would be...?? 2mw? i have no idea what's in store really.
thought @
11:17 PM;
Monday, October 13, 2008
I wanna go back to DFS to work, i wanna go back to sailing, i wanna skip school cause i don't see the point, i wanna live everyday like it was Sunday, i wanna look into your eyes just to see what i would see. I wanna be closer to God.
thought @
1:37 PM;
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I finally got my table set up in my room last night, so i went around unpacking the stuff from the boxes to the table. Its times like this i realise how damn lucky i am to have the friends i have cause as i was packing the stuff i saw many things that my frens gave me throughout the years, like birthdays and just a gift and i'm proud to say i haven't thrown them away and now they're like "throphies" on the table top. Even though i don't contact some of the friends who gave the stuff to me, i still find it a privilage to have met them and been their friend at some point of time in my life. Thats something that at the end of the day i can look back and say that i was proud i did it =)
thought @
6:18 PM;
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Homies after homies after homies and i'm back. The exams were way whacked so that's pretty much about it, not stressed about the results cause i'm prepped for both scenarios. Having a one week holiday now is definitely not enough cause well... don't seem like much of a holiday to me, maybe the November/December ones would be better. I realised a whole lot of my frens out there are like superbly depressed, what with the results, the feeling of being inadequate in life and the 'O' levels coming round so i can't be depressed, no time and can't afford to. Simple as that and as easy as it sounds, i'm back, heh. =)
thought @
1:43 PM;
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Won't be updating for a while, i lost something and i gotta find it. Till then, goodbye people =)
thought @
9:27 PM;
Monday, October 6, 2008
i feel... disconnected. From this world, from the people that live in it. The people that i live with the ones i so ironically call my "immediate family" are... just not getting me. I fade into the backdrop as easily as i appear normal, as though nothing is wrong. I don't really know what i'm feeling too actually. I feel, numb, for lack of a better word. Its weird but after the exams i feel... lost, like there's no purpose to whatever the hell i'm doing. I actually tried saying to my parents that i feel lost, the reply was do you want to be found? Do I?
thought @
9:24 PM;
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Lets see.... one day away from myself trying to drown myself in lit and i seem slightly better, learnt more than i thought that i would too.
Went to visit Mama last night, word is that she's gonna be able to go back to a normal ward asap so thats on the up and up (i'm gonna ignore the whole heartbeat unstable thing) then saw Auntie Mei Mei and Auntie Ann there (hehe) "zoned" there for a whole before we chased ourselves off to Beach Road to buy supper. Came home and wantedto go online but crashed and burned and the nxt thing i knew the sun was shining in the sky. Then went back to sleep and i'm here typing this thing now with Tess notes surrounding me. I feel guilty, so i'm gonna go. Bye. =)
Oh, before i forget, LAST PAPER 2MW!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
thought @
3:14 PM;
thought @
12:37 PM;
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Let me be quiet, let me fade into the background let me disappear. I can view, everything from a distance and not do anything give me that place, that purpose of not doing anything cause i don't want this. I'm sick of it. In all terms.
thought @
12:17 PM;
I don't know if i can EVER "match up" to your "standards" so i APOLOGISE for not being the "perfect son" cause i seriously don't think i can ever be. Simple as that, i've had enough of your looks of disgust and everything. I listen to advice on you guys and try to compromise but somehow someway along the line it just back fires and i become the bad guy so i'm not even gonna try. Scream all you want, shout all you want, give me that disgusted look all you want, cause yea, i'm the EPITOME of EVERYTHING you can't stand.
Sometimes i think really really hard, but i just can't seem to think of a theory of how this comes around and when i think i'm that much closer to finding out, i'm actually that much further away. You caused me to feel like shit and you still don't know, thinking that you're going through shit, i'd gladly switch places and take it with a pinch of salt, cause i ain't doing this for MY namesake, i'm doing this cause i was ASKED to and not in a very nice way neither.
thought @
1:36 AM;
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I'm sick and it sucks... How the hell am i gonna study for History like that?
thought @
4:40 PM;
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Guess i should've known what i was on for from the very beginning, as funny as it seems and as much as i can't really do it, i'll go through it with a smile. No more complaints. Few more days, suck it and move on. Mama's fine now, after 4 hours of dialysis, stressed out night, the prayers, the begging, the feeling of helplessness and loneliness and the 2 litres of water out of her heart and lungs, Mama is better. Last night was one of the most terrifiying nights of my life. I couldn't sleep, couldn't even sit still. All that i felt was made worse when Mum came home eventually and said to me, Mama almost died, she couldn't breathe. As much as i know i should at least be mentally prepared, i can't. How does anyone prepare for death, whether their own or for someone who's close to them? Come to think of it, if Mama really said goodbye last night, i don't know what i would've done. and my head throbs cause of the damn fever i'm having... hopefully i won't be sneezing as much 2mw, i've gotta study for History since i threw Math out the window.
I've only got thanks to whoever that knew and prayed and prayed hard. To thank the Lord despite the messed up state i was in, He heard my prayer and made it better. Guess i've got the same advice to Mama to myself, Stay Strong.
thought @
9:49 PM;
Mum said she'd be home depending on the results of the dialysis, its coming 1 and i don't see her home. I'm actually kinda prepared to hear or maybe even see the worst, everyone in the house just seems to be cool about it, in fact they're sleeping. It amazes me... but i still don't know what to expect for some reason... once again that feeling of being lost and so damn desolate from the rest of the world, and i see it pass me by every single day and at times it reaches out but there's always something holding me back. I wanna embrace a new life, a new beginning. I'm literally sick of this. I hate the stupid pineapples i've been forced to eat cause they're the damn reason i'm in this state. As i sit here part of me wants to rush over to the hospital cause i wanna say goodbye should anything happen, at least let me say goodbye to her. You know how important she is to me, the only one who cared. REALLY cared and not cause she was obliged to. I can't say that she can't go, its all His will, if He'd embrace her then all the better, all i'm asking for is for that chance to say thank you for being such a great grandmother wish her goodbye and tell her that i love her for everything that she is. Can i at least get that?
thought @
12:44 AM;
