Sunday, September 7, 2008
So Damn Hard
Sunlight washes over her radiant face
She looks over waiting for love's embrace
None comes and the sun is cold
A strong facade, iron walls longing for someone to hold
Wave after wave of emotion crash down
Swirling, spinning, twisting her around
What she has around her she doesn't know, unsure
Day and night she prays for an answer, her chosen path to be clear
As she dives into the pool of solitude she can't help but ask
What would it be like if she stepped back to the past
Happier? Maybe cause it meant all,
Innocent, forgiving not thinking she'd have to take that fall
But she did and it hurt, hard, fast, straight into the dirt
Yet with that echoing crash almost as though no one heard
Cause no one came running to pick her up, to hold her and say
I'm here now, you're alright and cause i love you everything's gonna be okay
In an ironic twist of fate she chooses another path
One of solitude for a lifetime guaranteed it'll last
While on the outside he can only look on
With his aching heart wondering what the hell's going on
Letting fate decide her life, becoming a somewhat slave
Yet somewhat some part wanting to be saved
But as the fates aren't so kind if you must know
Filled with uncertainty she's scared to let go
Of herself, to trust someone else, even with everything saying yes
Not wanting to put herself through another one of these tests
So all she thinks is safe for her to do
Embrace her fate and just follow through
Yet in the back of her mind,
As much to herself she'd want to lie
Its still there and it won't go away
Even if that one she once loved wasn't there to stay
All she can hope for is his well being,
That he found someone who loves, as much as she did him
The outsider, looking in, somehow understands what she's feeling
Longing to tell her this, in the best he can, that was a nightmare but i'm your dream
Cause he knows the pain thats filled with useless regret,
The loss of a first love, so damn hard to forget.
ps: Last night, no i wasn't happy, i was hurt. Sometimes i just wish you'd shout at me and tell me not to love you so, cause i do and always will. I don't know if you'd ever understand this part of me cause i sure as hell don't all i know is that i need you but you can't be there and i'm doing a shitty job of trying to get by and its hard. At some point its just hard to breathe. So damn hard... and i wish you could really see whats inside of me...
thought @
5:52 PM;
