Tuesday, September 30, 2008
OK... calm down... chill... relax... nothing to be done. I'm pissed off but there is NOTHING to be done, so just mellow out and though it IS a crisis, just. chill. Only reason why i'm still here typing this is cause Dad won't let me go.... He even wants Mum home, WTF?????? Worst case scenario realised, nice one....
P.S: I apologise in advance to any outbursts that i might have. This is directed to any one of my family members because, yes and i promise and i swear i will act as I SEE FIT, not the way i'm supposed to act cause... well lets face it, you guys ain't been acting like your age AT ALL and all you guys care about is the redundant shit that would be of BENEFIT to you guys. Cross me and i SWEAR you WILL regret...
thought @
9:49 PM;
Monday, September 29, 2008
Lit paper 2mw, MOB was.... (fingers crossed) passable. So its one paper for lit 2mw with the other coming up nxt week, then i've got History paper on friday, math i've already flung out the window, like flung it out real hard. I'll probably go pick it up when i really have to, cause i can't afford to touch it depending on the condition my H2 subjects are in. Guess i gotta keep hustling for abt another 2 weeks or 1 week in this case. To my homies out there, simple, stay strong man we gon need it.
thought @
7:28 PM;
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The promos are 2mw, its bitchass that its MOB as the 1st paper so yea, i don't really know if i'm sufficiently prepared and i've got all that hovering around me and i still have no idea why every time i'm about to take an important exam these kinda things just have to happen... screw it.
Went to visit you last night, it just wasn't the same, yea i smiled, yea i laughed but the atmosphere just wasn't you. It hurt, i know, perpetually it will. I felt it. Stay strong.
P.S: i know i ain't exactly been a friend lately, i don't feel like talking to anyone about it really, i know what you guys deserve is a heartfelt apology but i just can't bring myself to do that now. I always put you guys first, please know that, no matter what, you guys come first but never did i think that i'd come to think where i'd "disappear" so all i'm asking for is some solitude, till after the promos, thank you for letting me go.
thought @
11:52 AM;
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I love my poetry blog =) LOL
thought @
2:50 PM;
Friday, September 26, 2008
2 more days heh. On a lighter note, i'm hungry. M.O.B is on Monday and i've been reading Derek's notes till my eyes are squinty and tired and thanks to Darnell who was playing DotA i freaking couldn't sleep... laptop just beside my bed... as much as i wanted to pummel him, i used to do that too so yea. Hmmm i think i can take on the promos luh, no sweat, just a few days of sleepless nights and i've to reschedule one doctor appointment, which kinda makes me wonder, is that the real power of exams in S'pore? An "important" exam and everything stops for it and literally everything revolves around it. Wow... talk about ego...
Actually i wanted to blog abt sumtink else but i forgot what it was about, hence the useless ranting =) hello people
thought @
9:54 PM;
Thursday, September 25, 2008
NBA 08 is a good distraction i tell you. Mr Whelan gets "cooler" as the days go by, the countdown has started (a bit late i know) overlooking the nxt 2 weeks would get me into hell loads of trouble, wondering what to call the puppy (i was thinking mop LOL cause it goes along with Socks) Mama is still in the hospital, i don't really care about the Kota Tinggi hike or SPC for that matter though i'm just obligated, Math is so screwed, PE was a test so is everyday, though it makes no sense, i'm kinda looking forward to GP 2mw, though i'll probably end up playing NBA 08 in class again. Twinkle is as cute and pampered as ever.
Reminiscing about PAE days and want so badly to go back there cause its like halcon days, better than that more like a snow day and though we're obligated to go, the people there were all so damn fun. No offence to the current 08A3, you guys rock just as much, just that we've got to mug for the promos now... that doesn't really make us a fun bunch now does it? LOL
"Why do you write poems?"
"Cause sometimes i'm too lazy to write an essay."
thought @
9:06 PM;
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
hmmm... no i ain't fine, as in i dunno abt my shin, its still pending, least of my worries anyways, i don't know if its stress or not, wish i knew. If i had to describe how i'm feeling i think it'll be fustrated, pissed off, amazed, shocked and maybe a slight tinge of depressed. I dunno, i look ok, i feel ok-ish. The amazing part comes when i lose my appetite, i'm hungry but i don't seem to be able to eat much. (pregnant? LOL) then again come to think of it, fracturing my shin wouldn't be the worst thing to happen now would it? If its a fracture so be it.
I think i just wanna not care, try to study since i've got Tess out already, read the text see if i can absorb anything, then see if somewhere along the lines i fall asleep.
Complexities and irony of life. I find myself being caught in both.
thought @
8:42 PM;
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"skipped" school 2day cause there was pyshiotherapy, hmm it was ok luh, though i've a feeling i've to be back on crutches soon, cause i came home 2day and i can't seem to put pressure on my shin without it feeling a sharp pain run up... so yea. Ice-ing my shin AGAIN. Hoping it'll be better cause its been on ice the past 2 hours and still the swelling is there... nice one... think i'll go take the damn x-ray 2mw, demand it or sumtink cause doc said in 2 days still nt better come see him again. i'm defintely gonna come back.... idiot....
thought @
5:22 PM;
Monday, September 22, 2008
Its weird cause as i sit here ice-ing my shin (cause its damn swollen) i still think its not fractured cause i can walk and stuff with a slight tinge of pain at the tip, then again when was the last time i fractured my shin and felt pain when i walked... so if its really fractured (again), admist the ridiculous ironic laughter i'm gonna recieve and award myself with, i promise i'll stay on the crutch for a long time to come cause well, i still want that running career, no doesn't necessarily mean i've to run with someone, its more for myself, to my homies the ones i've made promises to and knowing me such a last min person i'ma need that speed. I miss the speed, the feeling of flying for that split second as though you're totally unreachable and no one else can get you back down, then when you come back to the ground there's the "fear" or crashing and burning but the nxt thing you know you're back up in the air doing the same thing. Yea i miss that, but i can forgo that. Only you know why man, only you, once more i leave it all in His hands. Out.
thought @
5:00 PM;
Sunday, September 21, 2008
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Yeap its James' birthday 2day so happy b-day dude, thanks for the invite to the bbq and hey don't have to compare my frens with yours cause your frens are pretty cool people themselves haha sorry i couldn't stay long though and thank you Uncle Jim for fetching us there haha the walk was a killer considering what happened LOL
thought @
9:39 PM;
Saturday, September 20, 2008
I dunno leh, i've got no motivation at all. I look at the books and feel like sleeping, though my life in MI lies in my results, i don't really see whats the damn point.
I don't get it luh... Why's it like that? I see another round of torment and helplessness and waiting for the proverbial rope to come out from somewhere somehow and maybe i'll grab it? I dunno, i don't know what's real here anymore. I wanna sleep all this away, forever. Wish i could say goodbye.
thought @
10:19 PM;
Friday, September 19, 2008
Restless, "jumpy" (which is irony cause i'm not supposed to), fidgeting, all over the place, i can't stand it, gonna leave soon kinda feeling. Yea thats how i feel, 3a.m call PLS! =( I'll bring the crutch along. Really.
thought @
7:25 PM;
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Passport done, gonna collect it on Monday, probably aft the GP paper. Everything is going. j.u.s.t. f.i.n.e.
I miss.... and... cause well just cause luh...
Maybe it'll be the last but we don't really know
All I need now is something real and not go with the flow.
Whats the hell's going on man...
thought @
9:05 PM;
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I'm off the crutches thanks to God and all the other people who have prayed for me and wished me well cause i tink you guys somehow knew it was tough for me and though i still can't sprint/jog/jump/hop or bounce thank you still cause that just means i'm one step closer to coming back at 101% and really thanks to all those who helped me out when i was on crutches, especially at those times when you guys saw me without the crutches =) and of course my folks for sending me to school majority of the mornings, though you guys complained till i almost went crazy but yea still thank you and to the doctors and therapists i dunno if you guys will ever see this but yea thank you =)) still gotta go for check ups but i know they all gon be on the up and up. =) word up.
and the promos are coming weee... oh congrats to my pre-U 2 seniors who are done with their promos
thought @
5:24 PM;
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Its.... FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thought @
3:37 PM;
Friday, September 12, 2008
1st day with the crutches, all i can say is that i sucks... but i knew what i was headed for luh so yea ain't gonna complain, i just wanna heal asap, 2 months or 2 weeks (hopefully the latter) then rid myself of the crutches. It ain't fun so i don't really know why people keep asking me to let them try, i don't mind personally but... oh well. Oh we've got a new GP teacher, Mr Whelan. He's from California, pretty sweet no? =) he so totally rocks man, literally, i've never been to a GP lecture or lesson and hang off every word that the teacher says cause what he says actually makes sense, or more sense to the rest of us luh. Cool no? =) GP is soooo gonna rock man haha
thought @
3:21 PM;
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Yeap its official, thanks to Derek and the few others who helped me out thank you guys so much cause though i'm saying no, my right leg is seriously aching like hell haha but yea thank you guys so damn much. So yeap i'm on crutches now and when i reached my block guess who i saw? Erwin my primary school fren, like what are the odds? LOL and yea he got a shock seeing me in crutches too haha he thought i'd never be using one haha sorry to disappoint then lol so yeap, weird long ass 2 months here i come give me your best shot.
thought @
6:00 PM;
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
6 - 8 weeks minimum. Thats pretty much ok i guess, better than life long right? As much as its a new experience for me, this in its entirety irks me and i don't really like it. I'm exposed to all different kinds of situations now but yea guess i really have to view it all under a different scope sometimes. In any event 2day was weird, super weird then tiring. Surprisingly, now the strain is on my right leg and i've still not gotten the crutches so if i don't get them asap i think the next injury will be on the right leg. Any bets anyone? Thanks to my folks who drove me to school 2day and maybe, probably and somewhat hopefully are going to till i'm cleared of the crutches love you guys loads despite the useless shouting and screaming at me in the morning but hey, i'm your kid so i guess its kinda like your right at some point anyways. School rocked, really, minus the limping around since the pain came so damn randomly even when i was sitting so like why uh?
I know you don't want this right now now's not the time so i ain't gonna be there luh. My phone is still here, so are my ears. Maybe that means nothing to you now but its ai'te. For what its worth, Good Luck.
Promos are coming up and pshyio again the day after GP, keeps getting better don't it? Math is bleh but still gotta struggle for it right? Then again i could always do the alternate and screw math then do the rest no?
Eileen, Shaq, Rui Ke, Jem, Shu Jian and Kristin, I am so so so so damn sorry. I was looking forward to 2day too but yea... in 2 months time? HAHA so so so sorry guys, i'll make it up someway somehow =)
thought @
6:43 PM;
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Phsyiotherapy
I get to skive off school regularly now =), once a week i've to go back to the hospital =) which is NOT a good thing since the promos are rolling around. But i've gotta heal this stupid shin split asap... the ironies and decisions of life... I remember the time i went for phsyio for my knee, and i don't remember it being as tiring as this man... hmmm maybe cause i've not gymed in a while? Treatment was.... interesting i have to say and it did numb the pain a lil i guess but still, i find it kinda cool haha Electrical Theraphy haha cool right? =) It gets more depressing but i ain't gon let that get me down cause well yea partially i deserve it and i need that rest so yea. Oh well. Ain't gon get me down that easy anyways. And YES Mum, i need those though they're expensive and i SINCERELY hope no one else in the family has to use em.
And Mum just called to ask if i wanna take H2 Math... WTH?!?! NO!!!! And hung up on me again, i could get used to this.
thought @
6:32 PM;
Monday, September 8, 2008
To all having their promos 2mw, Fiona, Joyce, Melvin, Champa and the many many more friends. I know you guys have really really studied real hard for the papers and more than anything else i believe that you guys will fare well in the papers. Yes Papers, ALL of them. I don't really know what i can say to you guys to lighten the stress you guys are going through so all i can say is that if you guys need someone to shout or rant at, release some stress, i'm right here. Good luck and all the best. You guys are in my prayers =) burn burn burn = A A A
thought @
10:00 PM;
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Dad just came home from his fishing trip so these are the things he caught and i think we had some for dinner, cause i was chased out the kitchen along with Socks so i don't really know.
These were erm.... bought? I think so... no way Dad could've caught them with the rod.
A month's supply of fish =) or at least 2 weeks luh... Don't think i'll be home for dinner often...
And of course the reason why Socks got chased out, i got chased out cause i was helping him.
thought @
10:26 PM;
So Damn Hard
Sunlight washes over her radiant face
She looks over waiting for love's embrace
None comes and the sun is cold
A strong facade, iron walls longing for someone to hold
Wave after wave of emotion crash down
Swirling, spinning, twisting her around
What she has around her she doesn't know, unsure
Day and night she prays for an answer, her chosen path to be clear
As she dives into the pool of solitude she can't help but ask
What would it be like if she stepped back to the past
Happier? Maybe cause it meant all,
Innocent, forgiving not thinking she'd have to take that fall
But she did and it hurt, hard, fast, straight into the dirt
Yet with that echoing crash almost as though no one heard
Cause no one came running to pick her up, to hold her and say
I'm here now, you're alright and cause i love you everything's gonna be okay
In an ironic twist of fate she chooses another path
One of solitude for a lifetime guaranteed it'll last
While on the outside he can only look on
With his aching heart wondering what the hell's going on
Letting fate decide her life, becoming a somewhat slave
Yet somewhat some part wanting to be saved
But as the fates aren't so kind if you must know
Filled with uncertainty she's scared to let go
Of herself, to trust someone else, even with everything saying yes
Not wanting to put herself through another one of these tests
So all she thinks is safe for her to do
Embrace her fate and just follow through
Yet in the back of her mind,
As much to herself she'd want to lie
Its still there and it won't go away
Even if that one she once loved wasn't there to stay
All she can hope for is his well being,
That he found someone who loves, as much as she did him
The outsider, looking in, somehow understands what she's feeling
Longing to tell her this, in the best he can, that was a nightmare but i'm your dream
Cause he knows the pain thats filled with useless regret,
The loss of a first love, so damn hard to forget.
ps: Last night, no i wasn't happy, i was hurt. Sometimes i just wish you'd shout at me and tell me not to love you so, cause i do and always will. I don't know if you'd ever understand this part of me cause i sure as hell don't all i know is that i need you but you can't be there and i'm doing a shitty job of trying to get by and its hard. At some point its just hard to breathe. So damn hard... and i wish you could really see whats inside of me...
thought @
5:52 PM;
Just finished packing the table in my room cause everyone's been telling me its my stuff, MY stuff so i find it funny that i find Shaun and Darnell's stuff in the pile too, with Shaun's making up the most of the junk, junk that i can't throw away. Oh well, screw that luh, i'll just march into his room plop his junk there and walk out. Couldn't be bothered. I dunno, everything around me just seems to get bleaker and bleaker, where the hell did the sun go? Would it be too much to ask for the sun to shine on me just for a day, not all of me maybe just a lil bit?
Cause you're just there
Though i really shouldn't care
I do so there, i said it
Yet i wish i could fake it...
Cause i just bloody hell can't.
thought @
1:31 AM;
Friday, September 5, 2008
There's always some good in a bad situation. So i'm gonna look for the good. I know she always shouts and may seem unreasonable and as much as i hate having to call back the person that hung up on me. She is after all my mum and yea, i should forgive her cause lets face it, i'm not a easy person. Its my family, like it or not, i've still gotta live with them, i ain't gonna be their "puppet" or anything but maybe i should put in more work in making closer relationships with them. I know its gon be real difficult though and just seconds after i made this decision i got screamed at over the phone by Mum... so yea... guess i've just gotta hang in there... this is gonna be so damn weird...
Sorry i wasn't, "myself" 2day. Really got alot going on, in my head and i just really don't know how to put it out cause i just can't. I know i'm not supposed to care but i just can't do that with you... i really just don't know how to make you see that...
thought @
8:24 PM;
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Its funny how freaked out you can get from a show and the nxt thing you know you're promoting it to everyone you know out there. Weird isn't it? But just for the record, go watch 4bia leh =) haha
I'm bored so i'm blogging and this is the only post where i've really got nothing to say. Well not much to say luh which is saying something. So i guess i'm trying to say that there's something that i have to say. And what i have to say is well... unsaid. Anyone understand what i'm saying to far?
If anyone is still reading here then congrats, you're not confused or fustrated or just choose to click on the cute red button on the top right corner of the screen =)) you truly are a loyal blog reader haha =))
That aside, Gallery is playing now and it just rings so damn true luh. I mean think about it, more than that, yet just refusing to see... so what can i say, what can i do but to stand by the side and feel. For her, for myself and just plain damn sorry for the other party. Well good for you cause you've won. Thats what you like anyways, to win and always you. Don't even go to the extent of unconditional love when you haven't even gone to the part of love. You'll probably never see this and i'm blogging about it cause i care. Question is, other than saying and doing things that are normal, do you really? Or is it obligatory?
thought @
8:03 PM;
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
BPC outing!!!! =) damn i miss those guys haha PAE still rocks luh, hands down, any given time or day, PAE with them just rocks so hard =)
Thank you Kimberly Wong for organising the gathering, but then abit biased luh, Kelvin organise you dun wan come... LOL Oh yeap and ZUL! Thanks for coming too, i know you're stressing yourself out with the upcoming promos, just wish i had the same drive as you haha. Izza better come next time, or else we'll kidnap you, with Kim's EXTRA LARGE DUFFEL BAG LOL =)
Anyways, caught 4bia with the gang. Not scary luh, its more of FRIGHTENING luh. Never saw a movie this scary before man haha, but irony here is that it was damn fun to watch it cause well, Zul was bouncin all over his seat luh haha and he looked like the "mummy" from the last story haha sit next to me somemore luh haha freaking funny. Slacked around after the movie, walking around aimlessly until Zul had to go home, so sorry we forgot you were fasting dude, like really really sorry man, next time we'll have Nasi Ayam Penyet together yea haha. But one thing's for sure luh, we should go to Carrefour together more often LOL reason being this
Thats Kelvin pushing the trolley and Kim inside the trolley haha we just rock luh haha =) BPC yo.
thought @
11:01 PM;
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
If really she had to go... i'll understand, 18 years is a long time. Thank you for being so damn patient so now i know where i get that from. I get alot of things from you instead of the normal people i'm supposed to get them from, but i wouldn't have it either way. Just promise me you'll hold her hand tightly and don't let go anymore cause when its all said and done on my part, i wanna see the both of you as it should be. I didn't have the chance to say thank you or goodbye and thats bad enough, but please, take care of her. If anything, i'm begging you. I leave it all in your hands to decide her fate. Cause its not mine, i can do nothing about it.
thought @
11:11 PM;
Lars (Ryan Gosling) is an awkwardly shy young man in a small nothern town who finally brings home the girl of his dreams to his brother and sister-in-law's home. The only problem is that she's not real - she's a sex doll Lars ordered off the internet. But sex is not what Lars has in mind, but rather a deep, meaningful relationship. His sister-in-law is worried for him, his brother thinks he's nuts, but eventually the entire town goes along with his delusion in support of this sweet natured boy that they've always loved.
When i watched this, i thought it was gonna be somewhat a comedy, cause Ryan Gosling looks like Earl (no?) so yea watched it with the intention of laughing a lil on this somewhat dreary day and i got a touching story instead. Anyone out there looking for some answers should definitely watch this. Its all in your head. The answer's right there and if you choose not to acknowledge it sooner or later its gonna come to you.
thought @
4:27 PM;
Monday, September 1, 2008
Cause it makes more sense to say this than that. Mama's gon be discharged 2mw =) at least i won't have to worry about her. It's Darnell's turn now, well he may or may not be going in luh, but judging from his character, he ain't going in so easily unless my folks force him luh and we're down to one more vomit before Dad snaps and brings him to the hospital.
and yea... i was freaking scared today. more than i'd ever been in my life. i was scared when the doctor told me his suspicions but i was terrified when i saw the x-ray myself. No one was around, nothing new. =/
thought @
8:12 PM;
These were erm.... bought? I think so... no way Dad could've caught them with the rod.
And of course the reason why Socks got chased out, i got chased out cause i was helping him.
Lars (Ryan Gosling) is an awkwardly shy young man in a small nothern town who finally brings home the girl of his dreams to his brother and sister-in-law's home. The only problem is that she's not real - she's a sex doll Lars ordered off the internet. But sex is not what Lars has in mind, but rather a deep, meaningful relationship. His sister-in-law is worried for him, his brother thinks he's nuts, but eventually the entire town goes along with his delusion in support of this sweet natured boy that they've always loved.