Its times like these i keep thinking of the poem i wrote. "Promise" back then it was a matter of questioning myself if i was capable of doing all that, now i find it somewhat ironic i'm asking myself the reverse. you know what, screw it. I'm done doubting, i'm sure of my decision and i'm sticking to it.
18 years of miscommunication is difficult to patch back. I know what i'm up against and i know the task at hand needs more than compromise. My only question is what about you? Would you feel slighted? I know i should be doing all this for myself but i'm doing it for you, more than anything else. Like you said, i have to do it for someone else before it'll make sense to me. In this case, its for you.
thought @ 11:06 PM;
Monday, July 28, 2008
I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness today. Something that i can't quite place my finger on yet its just there, unspoken waiting for the real thing to show itself so that i can really feel and understand what's the problem, the reason why i just ain't feeling myself today. Someone pass me the answer key please
thought @ 8:42 PM;
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Frisbee 'A' divs are over, though the results are depressing, i shall still say them cause i know we made a mark on them. If we didn't, then we can at least find some solace in the fact that we came this far, trained that hard, bled, got smacked around, got spit at, shouted at and basically every other thing you can think of luh and being the freaks that we are, getting back up and asking for more, looking forward to the next competition so that we can see all that again. So i dun agree when people say we don't have the passion, that we don't have the drive and the will to improve, i know its demoralizing to get beaten time and time again. Even though we didn't get what we wanted yesterday, i'm still proud to stand on that field with you guys and call you my team. Thank you for everything =)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) Hope you enjoyed your lil b-day party and the cake and everything else ai'te =) May your birthday wishes come true and may you have many many many MANY more b-day's to come =)
Despite all the madness and the rush and the disappointment yesterday, seeing you was what truly defined my day, and it did more than calm me. It saved me =) Thank you =)
thought @ 1:34 PM;
Friday, July 25, 2008
PTI was interesting i must say haha i wasn't planning on talking luh but then... erm circumstance came in so i had to say something. Remind me to never answer if Mum asks the teacher if there's anything else that i did in school and that she doesn't know abt or sumtink along those lines, especially if the answer is, " Yeap dun have to ask him i tell you. I got sent out of class cause i didn't do IRP questions." Which launched the adults into another debate abt how important IRP is and stuff, saying that "I" don't respect that.. tra la la ok fine fine, i like impromtu happy? So now i'm currently sitting at home hammering on the keys of the lappy and wondering when is the next time i'm gonna be able to do this? cause i tink, THINK, that Mum's gonna confiscate this and put it in her office which seriously i tink is not really doing much luh. Redundant. So now its working hard time and paying attention in class time. I promised and i'ma do it. Cause i dun wanna let you down, least of all you.
thought @ 7:43 PM;
This is one of the times where i am at a loss for words so i shall use songs to explain.
1: Jesse MaCartney - Leavin 2: Frankie J - More Than Words 3: German Idol Finalists - Cry On My Shoulder 4: Bow Wow - Let Me Hold You 5: Mario - Let Me Love You 6: S Club 7 - Natural
And these are just the beginning. As of now, i'm going for an extended trip to dreamland. PTI 2mw haha oh the bittersweet irony of a "messed up" week, just don't say i can't play for Saturday cause u gotta answer to my team not me =) Good Luck guys =)
thought @ 1:52 AM;
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I saw an angel today, she wore white and a purplish dress. =) still gonna say u looked great.
You know how sometimes you go abt life thinking that you're "alone", or maybe even "unique". Then someone comes along and just bursts that lil bubble of yours? But you don't get pissed off cause you're so damn intrigued by it, cause you wonder how could this be? Well yeap.
Thank you for everything, for letting me be there, thank you for letting me be a small part of your life. There are only so many thank you's i can say before the words lose their meaning so what i'ma do is to shut up, acknowledge it and continue what i'm doing cause there ain't no way i'm going nowhere.
Thank you. =)
thought @ 12:54 AM;
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I'm blogging now cause i wanna watch Batman tonight. LOL. Makes no sense really, hmmm lets see... i was at Yishun Park yesterday throwing frisbee with Darnell around 6.50, at 7, i couldn't see the disc at all despite the lights there. Why? Cause my disc is black HAHA so much for wanting a "sleek" colour haha but it was all cool, though it kinda gave me new insight on training regimes, like get a disc that blends in with the surroundings and then when it flies to you, u can't see it until the last moment and u try to grab the disc, so i tink maybe it trains the reaction speed? i dunno, makes it harder to gauge the timing of the jump or the dive though...
Mum's out, in the hospital, she brought a mini picnic to her. I pity the other patients around having to smell the food she brings in, i can relate. Feel like eating ice cream now... Ben & Jerry's? I want something new, something that'll blow my mind so much i'd swing by their shop everyday LOL. "Blow-yo-mind" flavour, imagine that. Going out is no option today though.... at most downstairs or Yishun Park again... My legs are killing me and my toe is signing the papers for the divorce with its nail, i can feel their arguments, its worse than a rough patch.
My favourite song(s) of the day would be 1:Keyshia Cole - Heaven Sent 2:Nelly ft Kelly Rowland - Dilemma 3:Alegria (What have I been missing man... its beautiful) 4:Secret Garden - Nocturne (beautiful)
And Poems is updated, last request till i find another source of inspiration, i dunno. You're beyond special that much is true and i long for the day i can hold you.
thought @ 1:20 PM;
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I'm sorry but i have to say this man. I'm currently being put under torture. Emily decided to be nice and baked a cake, i'm had experience in that before and lemme tell you, its not erm.... great(?) but erm yea, once i had to eat one of her butter cakes for breakfast, i drank 2 cups of milo to flush a bite of the cake down my throat. Ok anyways, i'm eating chocolate cake made by Emily, not her fault luh, she asked and i foolishly said ok.... OK WAIT. someone just told me sumtink else, suddenly eatin bad cake isn't so bad afterall...
thought @ 10:52 PM;
Been thinking about stuff, before i slept last night i was really considering stuff, like my life and things luh. I never really did prioritize things before and i'm trying that out now and i sure as hell hope it works. Whatever has happened, happened and we can't change that, i've made many mistakes in my life and i'm not proud i made them and though i've repeated those mistakes more times than i can remember, i glad i made those mistakes and i eventually learnt from them. Many people have asked me what is the biggest mistake i've made in my life, truth is, there's no such thing. When we make one, something else happens, something good. I failed my 1st 'O' level exams and retained, at that point of time it was the worst thing to happen to me cause one by one the people that i needed support from the most left, but i found others who supported me all the way, people like Jem and Miss Lim were always there to help me academically and emotionally. Fast forward to 2day, i'm actually kinda glad that i did retain, i learnt alot in that one year, like a one year crash course in the basics of life, something i always ignored cause i thought it didn't concern me, i found myself. Though i'm filled with guilt to those i've caused hurt and wronged, i feel blessed that they've forgiven me without even asking for it and i feel like a bastard because of that but i know that they would've wanted it that way cause that way i would've already learnt not to treat someone else the way i did to them. Thank you for letting me go =)
thought @ 1:12 PM;
Friday, July 18, 2008
TGIF, like seriously TGIF, and i know it don't seem that way for some people, i sympathize with you, i really do, but at least we dun have to wake up so darn early to get to school on time right? Plus u guys get to sleep as late as u want tonight, not that i'm advising u guys too, y'all look pretty much dead whenever i see you. Plus u'd get a chance to relax, u will just that i know u guys won't. But no matter what, u guys are lucky to realise what mistakes you've done and now's the time to correct them, like a friend of mine once said, "Leaving behind a trail of fire, Burn it up" =)
Frisbee 'A' divs are next week, i'm glad to say my throws are slightly better =)
thought @ 8:39 PM;
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Sometimes i question my exisitence on this very Earth. I'm sure you guys out there have that question too, like how we wished we knew the purpose of our lives instead of doing mundane redundant things like studying subjects we hate, knowing fully well that we would have no use for them in the future, like for example, (no offense) math, cause i dun see myself going to a shop and calculating X no. of shirts for Y amt of money, much less using those 2 to solve another equation in a different of same shop. As i see my seniors studying i can't help but think to myself, "This is what i'ma be like in a years time?" Then i get flashbacks of the night study back in NBSS, they were fun luh but then i could've done without them cause for one they were freaking tiring but they were the only way Miss Lim could get me to study, why? Cause she'd make me sit right in front of her to do math paper after math paper until my eyes were crossed. Come to think of it, i thank her alot for that, if it wasn't for that i dun think i'd be in M.I much less a poly. So yea... haven't talked to her in ages though and i dun tink i ever will. I tink this is the first time i came into M.I and felt a lil uncertain abt my future, a lil slow but yea... i left everything behind and even those parts of M.I i had with me i left behind, as though each day was my 1st day in M.I with only one thing in common, no brainer thought, yeap. Maybe its a good thing? That almost everyday in M.I is like a new day minus the amazement i get on first day at school?
Nvm strike all that, i just wanna live out the rest of my M.I days the best i can, as for now i'm running the Silat and Wushu steps in my head, why? i'm not sure myself but something tells me i should hmmm...
thought @ 9:32 PM;
I got caught for cutting classes so that means i'll be staying back in school till 6 fer detention, the other people who are in the same range as me i shall not say well cause its private luh, i'm just that kinda person to state the number of detentions i get, look at it and laugh thinking that my life is messed up. No luh, detention is part of school life, i choose to embrace it =) school has been pretty much of an emotional roller coaster ride for me, though i love the ride, like i said luh, it has its ups and downs but then somehow i see the end of the ride and as much as i love the ride, i want it to stop cause then i know i'd stay and remain happy and things would be so much more better. Its not so much of a promise for me but more of a promise to her, i mean i dunno if she'd let me be there for her and all, i think she might but then again who's to say? People change and though i'm figuring it out, there's still alot more i don't know and i want to know and i tink we all do.
2day is the day that i decide to study cause even though its 2 choc bars, i still wan someone to buy them HAHA but in all seriousness, its cause i can't bear to see me let (...) down after everything, i just can't. But i feel i might be making good progress though, so maybe i should just listen? Wo ser bu de.
thought @ 12:10 AM;
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Its one of the rare tuesdays i'm in school so yeap, PE was erm... interesting? Nth compared to Ffyona's though, swinging a badminton racket around without shuttle?? As usual found redundancy to go for math but suddenly everyone came along with me, at this rate the entire class will disappear luh, then stoned, literally stoned in the library waiting for some teacher to catch us, Derek got caught though but then i wasn't and i dunno why. The effect of skipping too many lessons?? Sad man, i'm throwing my future away, then again i didn't even think i had a future with Math luh, LOL. Then there's CLB 2mw, 2 questions, go or dun go. I decide 2mw, most probably going luh, i tink? Oh and i got back my M.O.B results, i was too damn stoned to bargain for more marks luh so i was satisfied with a 'S' which by my standards means "Super" cause well, i did super, i didn't "fail" i tink? Wait its a sub-pass right??? Which evens it out to a H2 - MOB and a H1- (shall nt name cause i know someone will react) the rest of results sucked though, i wonder if i'ma die laughing or die from everything else on PTC. I vote the former. Oh and there's frisbee 'A' divs like nxt week Saturday, wth?? So i guess its back to run, chase, throw, run, huck, run faster, jump and score. Ah the simplicity of sports =) but i gotta lug my boots to school cause i haven't worn them in a DAMN LONG TIME, they look squeaky clean and need to get dirty cause i've become used to not seeing clean shoes already, i gotta "season" my boots man and i'm wondering where'd my disc go?
thought @ 10:10 PM;
Monday, July 14, 2008
Its a whirlwind thing right abt now really, GP presentation is over so really couldn't care less, though i know it concerns my marks and all but i seriously didn't expect to get a good grade with all the nonsense i had to put up with, glad that its over.
I'm really tempted to bring that whole "DX" part of my life back again you know, its like i would've done so much more better with it and i wouldn't be feeling as shitty as i feel now? But that'll be weak. Another mask of sorts, one that i'm sick and tired of using, i mean like yea its cool and fun but to me its getting old. I want her to see me as who i really am, bare my soul and i have no idea where thats gonna bring me, but since when has fear stopped me? What is wrong with me here?!?!
thought @ 11:41 PM;
Sunday, July 13, 2008
11 hours later and i'm done with GP project even though its only 8(?) slides, but u know what? its all cool i just used everything they gave me so yeap, its all good. Wish i could say more but really, what more is there i can say? The rest i can only wait for you
thought @ 10:00 PM;
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Inter-house Games
Inter-house Games Day. This is a day i shall not look forward to in the future. I bet loads of people out there hate me just by saying that luh but seriously, switch roles with the people who deal with the backstage view of things, they literally go through hell and it is hell. I mean yeah, it's all games so everyone's smiling and laughing and joking and after the entire thing, do people really wonder who arranged and organised everything? Do they even bother to even think or say to one another, "Hey u guys know what? I think whoever arranged all this and gave up so much for this day must've really put in alot of effort for this day to become successful and how come they're never mentioned? How come they ain't recognised? Anyone of u guys can answer that for me?" Has this conversation ever taken place when we're with our friends? I can safely say up till 2day, it has never happened, link it back to my previous post, we take advantage. That being said, i wanna give kudos to someone that i've recently just met, well more of like 2 people i've just met luh, 2day they showed what it takes to really get the job done, i mean like they were faced with tonnes of crap luh, i was there to witness it myself and they were literally flying all over the place, try doin that for a day u'll go crazy but they still stayed sane which is an amazing feat by itself. So that being said, to Fiona and Joyce, Respect yo. Seriously, never seen it better handled than anyone else, and you know, we'll always be there if the need arises =)
Life is filled with redundancy, some like it, some don't, some love it but i choose to live WITH it. (looks like i got the end of the short stick)
thought @ 9:27 PM;
Friday, July 11, 2008
I learnt a lesson 2day. Its an important lesson that i should share with the rest of the readers of my blog, be it many or only a handful and that lesson is so important, you my dear readers need not go through it to understand. That lesson is that life is good. Life ROCKS. Like seriously, think abt it, no matter how much crap we go through each day, we're still standing and well yea at some point it does change us and all but then we're still alive and erm.... i'm basically just crapping at this point luh, truth is, expect the unexpected cause it will come and like in the case of 2day, ask u to play touch rug when u totally forget abt it HAHA
thought @ 9:27 PM;
Thursday, July 10, 2008
If you guys are thinking of watching movies, Hellboy 2 is good =) Eng Wah sells tixs to students at 6 bucks and its a reasonable amount when u're trying to kill time on a thursday morning. Nuff said. Anyways, i've got this GP thingy, somehow someway everything just fell on me so erm.... though i seriously feel like saying f*ck it and throw everything down and go for a run, i can't cause the marks are riding on me so whatever, i'll just do it.
Somewhere along the links is my alternate blog, if you can call it that. Basically its where i throw all my poems and stuff like that. Reason why there are only 2 poems there is cause the rest i've choosen to write them down instead of typing it out on my blog so erm yeap. So like check it if ya wanna and hit me back y'all.
thought @ 6:58 PM;
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Its like this, i now more than ever believe in God. He DOES exist and looks out for me no matter how much of an idiot i am. Today as i was collecting my math paper i was thinking well more like hoping/praying that i don't get a 0 for the paper. Ok see, cause Mr "What exam?" here didn't study for the math paper, much less other papers so obviously was unprepared and was writing absolute rubbish on the paper anyways, i was just hopin i don't get a 0 for the paper even though there were many many many blanks on the paper and instead i got a 4. OK wait b4 u click the red 'X' on the top right hand side of the screen, listen, i'm actually supposed to get a 0. Look at my math record and u'll know why, i'm not supposed to pass or fail math satisfactorily, i'm supposed to fail it so badly it'll make my history results look great. (which i dun tink is too good either). but yet i got a 4. over 50 luh. So yes, praise the Lord =) yes i am easily contented, yes i am still a complete idiot, yes i have still not started for the promos, BUT most importantly, i LOVE GOD =)
Btw, Who the hell is Moo? Someone care to answer that for me?
thought @ 11:24 PM;
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Despite the irritatingly long post down there, this one is special, its a dedicated one and since he's my fren i just wanna let him know this. I shan't mention any names cause he might not like it but i hope he'll know its for him. Anyways... Bro, i know life isn't all that fun and roses, we're both in different places in this moment and yet i find myself wishing i was back in the past and i'm sure you are too. Sometimes in life we're faced with some difficult shit we have to deal with and it isn't always fair. I'ma agree and say sometimes life can be a bitch or bastard, whichever way u wanna see it. But point is we're still given options; choices, to make in life and maybe we've made a few wrong ones but we're stuck with it and its somewhat life-changing, i know how it feels though i may never understand fully the idotic-ness of what you have to go through everyday i'm somewhat close to it. Being hurt is one thing, being the cause of hurt is another, especially if the ones being hurt are close to your heart. I'mma be clear and say i'd be damn worried for you if something were to happen to you man, and i can safely say it'll be the same for the rest of us. Anything at all man, anytime, anyday, if you ever need someone to hear you out there's always me, and there's no such thing as i'm too busy to talk to you man, if it'll make you feel better then there's always time. As for happiness, in your case its difficult to find, maybe even impossible, but i ain't giving up man. I know you'll find it someway somehow and bro, for the record, if it makes you happy, then i'm happy that you're happy, for real.
thought @ 10:47 PM;
hmmm... Sentosa was interesting to say the very least, Nic and the guys were there playing touch and for the 1st time yes can you believe it, i played touch rug haha. Anyways, woke up late, actually on time luh then did the usual morning stone until i realised i was gonna be LATE. HAHA. SEE!! That being said, i just wanna point out why i'm such good friends with namely Kelvin and Zul, cause we were all late HAHA and the amazing thing is that Zul took the same train i did and met Kel at Yew Tee LOL. Wanted to take a bus luh but that would've killed me. Like really, i'd have been without an ass right about now. The moment we got to Sentosa i wasn't as excited luh i mean, going there 2 days in a row kinda kills it a bit you know? Then i saw this place called "Trapizza" for some weird random reason i remembered it... then we went to the beach and "looked" for Izza, well actually more like tried to avoid luh, sumtink abt her and not wanting us to see her play. Anyways, Kim came sometime around 1 sumtink, she cabbed all the way to Sentosa from Bukit Timah and my reaction is still @.@! I feel so twit-ish LOL then played some touch rug with fellow Millenians, Shikin, Afiqah and Nat, i had no idea we were gonna see them there lol, thought they were gonna play, then after a while left, but i forgot to wish Nic and the guys like good luck, it slipped my mind. LOL, then went to Vivo to hang out and i got a Homer Pez dispenser haha MY CHILDHOOD IS COMING BACK =) then found out why i kept eating Pez(es) last time, cause they're so damn addictive, plus it gives this weird aftertaste that u wanna eat another one to remove the taste. So after Zul left, oh oh, HAPPY B-DAY ZUL'S DAD (from BPC), then Kim left cause she's super tired, and we understand, dun worry and dun feel bad, then me and Kel headed to Outram to take the Green Line home while i went to SGH to visit Mama and felt like my legs were like lead, somehow managing to get there and remembering there is no "convenient" transport home dragging myself home on a bus, 2 hr bus ride. Not kidding man... Kel i dunno how you did it... and 2 of em somemore... @.@! LOL
thought @ 10:25 PM;
Its amazing that despite the level of tiredness i reach, i'm somehow still able to walk and take a few punches in the process, well not literally but a few things that i've got to get done b4 i can actually call it a night and wake up in time for the next day's events. (So in case i'm late 2mw guys of BPC, i apologise in advance LOL).
Sentosa was great, amazing and most of all and expectedly freaking fun haha, its been sometime since i laughed till i cried haha and amongst all things, it was with my frens, what more could i ask for? While every other thing is running through my head something still stands clear luh, i really couldn't ask for more. =) However, sadly and unfortunately out of the joy, there is some sorrow which i shall not disclose cause of respect and i think i'm not supposed to know neither, but in case and the off chance u're reading this, i'm sorry. I don't really know what it meant to you but i can understand if it meant alot cause i'm facing this, and truth be told, i refuse to accept that someday everything might just disappear just like that and that thought alone terrifies me. But there's anything u ever need, i'ma be there.
As for 2mw, its Sentosa again though i think it'll be the more "tame" trip luh, or so i think? I'm not taking the bus there again, i'd poke my eye out with a skewer b4 i do that 2 days in a row... i apologise for the mentally disturbing graphic images LOL. Forgive me, i'm tired and blogging... and Kim has some supposed good news, hmmm way to make her frens anticipate her arrival huh? LOL anyways, i'm sleepy, my head has hit the tip of my lappy at least 8 times, and my blanket seems to be calling out to me so i shall answer "it?" LOL
Goodnight beautiful people.
I can't face that fact that someday you might be gone from my life. You're in control and i still need you, yet i'm acting as though i don't really care, what's wrong with me? Can't i at least feel a tinge if sadness? You were there for me 18 years yet... Promise me you won't leave... Not yet...
thought @ 1:05 AM;
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
For some random reason i decided to change my blogskin. Why i'm not really sure myself. =) maybe cause its my blog hehe, hope its easier on the eyes for my readers, whoever they are =) thank you for reading my blog.
Guess what?
I met Narin and Sam 2day, like after freaking long luh, months? So we had the "traditional" meal of "B.O.D" Nasi Lemak HAHA. Yea, like the kings huh? Thats another story, but anyways, missed them alot man, had lots to catch up on luh then Narin gonna head into NS soon haha and even the uncle selling Nasi Lemak not there luh, apparently went to Abu Dahbi (is that how u spell it?) for holiday or not we dun really know, maybe he's there to set up another Nasi Lemak stall? His family said he'd be there fer 2 years which is a freakin long time. So sat ate and caught up with each other and found out amongst these 2 homies of mine old phones are the new in and as usual luh, they're blasting the oh-so-latest POLYPHONIC ringtones and trying to singalong with the tune HAHA. Miss those guys man.
As for me, its the hospital 2mw, then Sentosa the day after that =) can't wait.
there are certain things that are going on but yet nothing can be said, so volatile yet its something that needs to be said and i'm required, might or might not be to shout it out yet i'm holding back and its cause i have a duty, yes a duty cause well, YOU gave it to me, i highly doubt you're ever gonna read this but lemme just say, if i find you u're messing around, you'll deal with me and i promise i'll be there to give you all the hell you thought was "gone" from me. so i'm just waiting and rest assured, i've got clearance for that, so really. TRY ME.
thought @ 8:59 PM;
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
And i'm finally done with the poster for the inter-house games, and come to think of it, when WAS the last time i did a poster?? OMG... i hope i dun mess it up HAHA then again it'll be damn funny if i do haha. So lets see, had bible study 2day with Wai Ling and Yewf then 2mw there's gym and here i am having a "few" drinks so i dunno how'm i gonna wake up for that, then its Sentosa Sentosa SENTOSA for the nxt few days =) pretty cool huh? haha Frisbee, Dragonboat and Touch Rug, can't get any better than that. On the plus plus, i'ma be hanging out with my closest friends so i ain't complaining haha love them to bits man, esp the PAE ones, BPC =) miss them guys loads. Now if only i could meet up with my secondary school frens.... hmmm...
