I remember there used to be a time in my past where i was like that. Not exactly, in the violent sense, but i just did everything i wanted to do it, as and when i liked and not caring about the consequences. 2day i walked down that path once more, i realized while i kinda miss it, i don't like it. Its not me, yet when i try to be me i feel so... constricted, like there's so much more i can't do, like when i wanna do something i'll think it through so many times i just end up not doing it, which is kind of a good thing judging on the thoughts that run rampant in my mind but yea... nothing sadistic or stupid, more of stupid really. Only difference if i do that now is that there isn't any Narin or Sam to be my partners in crime, no Jem to hear me out when i'm down and out, no James to just accompany us just cause we're all bored. I lost all of that. With the exception of Jem, i don't even know where the hell the rest are. I'ma be straight and say these guys are the guys that made me who i am 2day, i've really been through alot with them and i know for a fact that they'd take a bullet for me if it ever came down to that and vice versa. While i was into that "phase" they didn't tell me to stop, they supported me cause they knew i needed it, it allowed me to grow and find my voice, make my stand, pushed my limits and made me realise my worth. What i could let slide and what i couldn't. Through it all they helped me out and when that was over, they left. Whether that part of me will ever come back i won't know, i don't even know if MI would like it, but which part of me would care?
P.S. To the original B.O.D, i miss you guys to high heaven and low hell. Though what we did was VERY stupid and dumb, they were FUN stupid and dumb stuff. After all we've been through, all the trouble we got into, if i had the chance to do it again, hands down, straight up you know i would. Till the nxt time holmes.
