I've been wondering how come i can still smile when i'm feeling so much inside? All the angst and feeling of nothingness just stays there. i smile when i see you at for that one second i catch your face i can put all the truth in the world to telling you that would be a real smile. its Wednesday 2mw, CCA day. Rugby day. To think there isn't gonna be rugby training for me for some time is just something i don't wanna think abt. This time its nothing i can do. I've got to do this and as much as i don't wanna do this alone, I might have to. Since the start of the holidays, i missed rugby. i didn't play for like 4 months and when i got back to the playing field i was really happy. I wanted to play for the 'A' divs but i didn't count on my knee giving out and everything else that followed. I know some of the team or maybe even the entire team thinks i'm backing out, that i'm soft or whatever. Try conditioning yourself so hard that you eventually give out. OUT yes, not up. I never did want to end up like this and now that its been like this its just hard to accept. And i don't know if i should go up to the team and issue a team apology cause they might not want to listen since i "gave them crap" but yea... I really just don't know anymore...
